20 Things I'd Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

A reflection on the past decade and what I've learned

It’s 11:55 pm and you’re tired. Your close friend is over, but you’re tired, and you want them to go home. You mean it in the kindest way — really. The thing is, you’ve had an incredibly packed time with them. Your time spent was both tumultuous and exhausting, tender and passionate. It felt like an entire lifetime, but simultaneously came and went in the blink of an eye. You did some stupid things together - things you know you’ll look back on and say, “What the fuck was I thinking”, accompanied by very few feelings of regret (because at least it happened). You love and’re thankful for them, but you’re ready to go to bed and start a new day. A calmer day.

That’s what being in the 11th hour of your 20s feels like.

December 27 marked my 30th lap around the sun and I embraced it with warmth and fondness. What they say is true - your 20s are the most transformative years of your life. During this time, I truly learned how to be alone. How to struggle. How to fight for what I want in life. How to be a good friend. How to be a good lover. How to be a good daughter. How to learn from mistakes. How to juggle three jobs at once. How to be financially independent. How to rely on myself. How to see true intentions. How to say goodbye and lock the door. How to not care as much. How to care more.

We live in a society where people love to pretend that life ends as you step into your 30s, but if anything, I feel like my life is beginning for the second time. It’s similar to revisiting a hard hike you’ve done before — this time with sturdier equipment, a stronger body, and more familiarity with where you’re going. This hike won’t be as much of a struggle. I’ll have more knowledge on what paths to avoid, which sights to take in a bit longer, and when to stop and rest. Sure, I may discover new paths or obstacles, but I’m better equipped than the first go-around.

If I had the opportunity to write a guide containing tips for my beginner-hiker self (and perhaps for my current hiker self to return to) in this weird hiking allegory, I’d equip them with the following advice:

20 Things I’d Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

1. Nobody knows what they’re doing

   We’re all winging it. Some people are just better at pretending than others.

2. The people who talk down to you are the most insecure

   They are often already on the floor. It’s not your job to pick them up. Walk away and wish them the best.

3. Your energy level after you interact with somebody is your special radar

   If you feel hollow and depleted, avoid at all costs. If you feel warm, full, & a hunger for more, hold onto them tightly.

4. There is nothing wrong with working a 9 to 5

   I tried the freelance thing. 9 to 5s aren’t super sexy but consistent paychecks and matching 401ks are.

5. One of the best ways to deepen your relationships is being judgement-free

   Our brains are constantly judging, criticizing, and belittling ourselves. The last thing anyone needs is a second human joining in on the critique.

6. Hard, honest talks are often the ones that push your friendships into the “lifetime” zone

   Trust is established when you overcome rough patches with honest communication.

7. Ask questions. Listen more.

   ACTIVELY listen more.

8. Save. Your. Money.

   There is no better time to invest and save your money than in your 20s (mess around with compound interest calculators and see how much money you’ll save if you start investing at age 25 vs. age 35 - the difference is crazy). Open up a ROTH IRA. Look into index funds. Find an online bank or credit union that offers a high-yield savings account. Thank yourself later.

9. To counter point #8, take the trip. Do the thing. Get away for a bit.

   Experiences are 1000% worth spending money on.

10. You will date the wrong people.

    These are cannon events everyone goes through. Do not view this as wasted time or sit with regret on the outcome. Reflect on these relationships and make note of what you learned about yourself and what you need in future partnerships.

11. Advocate for yourself.

    Nobody knows you better than you.

12. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.

    Time moves so. fuckin’. fast. Don’t waste it being miserable because you agreed to do something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

13. To counterpoint #12, make sacrifices for the ones you’re closest to.

    There will be things you don’t want to do that involve a loved one. If it means something to them, your time is not wasted. Show up.

14. Read as much as you possibly can.

    Reading develops your empathy, intelligence, wisdom, and critical thinking skills.

15. Watch as many movies as you possibly can.

    Movies help you see the details and put yourself in other’s shoes.

16. Explore hobbies that do not result in side hustling or monetary gain.

    Once you start capitalizing on a hobby, burnout will often follow. Hobbies are meant to be fun. They aren’t meant to burn you out.

17. Stop buying cheap furniture or home pieces at Ikea, Target, Walmart, etc.

    If you need furniture but don’t have the money, go to thrift stores or FB marketplace for temporary furnishings while you save up for quality “heirloom” pieces you’ll never want to get rid of.

18. Wear sunscreen.

    Douse your tattoos in sunscreen. Apply sunscreen even if it’s raining outside. Live in sunscreen.

19. Move cities. Move across the country. Move away from your childhood city.

    This is the easiest and fastest way to grow as a person. The world is massive. Don’t stay in one place because it’s easy.

20. Life doesn’t end after 25.

    Life also doesn’t end after 30. Or 40. Or 50. Or 60. Or 70. It’s never too late.
    

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Did I miss anything here? Anything you’d reblog/retweet/restack? Anything you disagree with? Let’s hear it - I’m not the only non-20-year-old on here.