How Well Do You Know Yourself?
The quest to truly knowing ourselves.
We like to think we have a firm grasp on our identity.
Our favorite foods. Colors. Animals. If we’re morning or night people. What topics fascinate us. The noises we can’t stand. What styles and fashion we’re drawn to. The books we prefer. The type of people we gravitate towards. The ones we avoid. Coffee or tea. Morning or night person. Introvert or extrovert. The art we like. What makes us get up in the morning. Our moral compass.
But how well do we know ourselves, really?
When you strip away Pinterest, shared algorithms, and trends that dictate what our next blind box or fashion obsession is, who are you? What do you actually like? Are you being fed your interests by influencers and lifestyle creators, or are you genuinely interested in them? Do you actually give a shit about the media you’re consuming, or are you just trying to log another Letterboxd or Goodreads review? If materialistic consumption didn’t exist, who would you be? If YouTube video essays and SubStack think pieces were to disappear tomorrow, where would your takes lie?
I’m aware this newsletter is giving ~*existential crisis*~, and I really don’t want the words above to come across as scolding; I’ve just been thinking a lot about identity lately. If I played a game of “We’re Not Really Strangers” with myself, I’m not sure how quickly I could confidently answer the more complex questions. I think I know myself, but if I were to pick and pull back the years of opinions, marketing campaigns, affirmations, advice, outside critiques, algorithms, trends, and influences…who would emerge? As the years tick by and I feel more settled into the latex suit that is my body and mind, I jerk awake to the realization that there’s still so much of myself that I don’t know. I often wonder if others feel the same — a stranger in certain ways to their own selves.
There’s been a surge of SubStack and YouTube essays about the importance of “building your personal brand”, and damn, that is a LARGE ask. Our existence isn’t meant to fit neatly into a branded box of ourselves for the easy digestion of others. Our lives consist of never-ending shifts, interactions that shape us, and experiences that can fundamentally change us. I’m constantly learning about myself, and by the time I think I know myself, there’s something else that materializes — another layer to unpeel and dissect.
Don’t get me wrong, there are beliefs and parts of myself that I hold onto with confidence, concrete and true:
I need at least 3-4 days a week of alone time to reset and rest with myself
Watching movies, reading, and exercising are my top activities for gaining creative inspiration.
I need routine to feel like I have some semblance of control in this very busy life that I live.
Coffee makes me anxious 8 out of 10 times, and I should avoid it altogether.1
…But then my actions challenge what I know to be true about myself, and I do the opposite of what I need:
I overbook myself, powering through time I’d rather spend exploring hobbies or catching up on personal life tasks.
Instead of watching movies, reading, or exercising, I mindlessly scroll Pinterest or turn my brain off to watch reality tv.
I deviate from my routine because life is short and I deserve to skip the gym this day or stay up until 2am that day.
I drink 2-3 cups of coffee a day because how the hell else can I power through it all?
We’re all on one huge quest to unpack ourselves and live our most authentic lives. When you dissolve the influences of others, the social media bubbles and echo chambers, and the ever-shifting trends that tap on your shoulder, who are you really? While the journey to truly knowing ourselves is one that will last a lifetime, reevaluating the way we digest media, experiences, and our interactions can push us closer to living our most authentic truth.
The Journey to Learning More About You
⌯⌲ Embrace Experiences
Go on the trip. Sign up for the piano lessons. Drive with no destination in mind. Buy the concert ticket. Go on the date. Send the text. Put yourself out there. These are investments in yourself—money not wasted, but experiences that make your soul richer.
✦︎ Check-Ins and Reflection
If we constantly gogogo we’ll eventually run out of gas. Check-ins and reflections are fuel. When you watch a movie or read a book, ask yourself how it made you feel or what it taught you about yourself. When you see something you’re drawn to, be it clothes, an art piece, or a picture on Pinterest, ask yourself why it’s pulling you in.
˗ˏˋ♡ Solo Date Days
Spend time with yourself! Go to events, dinners, and movies alone! The conversations you have in your head when solo experiencing bring you closer to yourself. Even if it’s one day a month or once every quarter, this time should be a non-negotiable.
✎ Identify Your Energy Depleters & Givers
I don’t know about you guys, but I suck at honoring my own boundaries. Why do we continue to do things that zap our energy and neglect the things that make us feel full? Keep a running note or journal entry of your energy zappers and energy givers. Revisit it often so it’s easier for you to stay true to your boundaries and to prioritize what gives you life.
ᯓ★ Observation
How does that person make you feel? What points of conversation make you feel uncomfortable? Excited? What is your inner critic saying? Sit, observe, and make mental notes.
⋆˚࿔ Slow or Zen Yoga
This has been a game-changer for me. I have a hot yoga studio near my class, and every Wednesday evening I attend a zen yoga class. This is more of a mental exercise than physical, gifting me one uninterrupted hour of truly connecting with my body and mind. The slow, deep stretches reveal the parts of my body that hold the most stress, and the singular focus on breathing allows me to practice meditation without the sitting idleness that tends to make the practice harder for me.
Other Self-Discovery Practices (Rapid-Fire Edition)
Morning Pages (lol sorry yall, had to do it)
Are there any rituals or practices that help you connect deeper with yourself? I’d love to know:
It’s a great question, who am I?
I’m not Jordan, that is the word my parents labelled me when I was born.
I could say my body is me, my arm, my leg, but what is my?
To understand truly who you are is to let go of all shackles placed upon you by the modern world, life was not intended to be lived this way.
A day at work can last forever; yet a walk with your dearest love is over in an instant, think about the differance.
Really been feeling a vague sense of trying to feel more "myself" lately and this couldn't have come at a better time! Great stuff!!